I think I might be the difficult co-worker everyone talks about. How do I know?
ALAN, Vancouver CANADA
July 2026
Sarah’s take:
The gutsiest thing you can do is to ask. First ask yourself, then if you need to, ask one of your colleagues: “Hey, I am nervous to ask you this, but I’ve noticed I have a tendency to do some of the things you’ve been complaining about….am I making things difficult for people, do you think?” That probably sounds terrifying but it’s also a gentle way to say - hey, I heard you’ve been talking sh*t about someone and I’d like to address it. But before you have that conversation, I am curious to know a little more - who are these people gossiping and how much does their chatter matter to you? Do you trust their judgements of your character? Does anyone?
If you do trust them, I HOPE that makes it easier for you to ask the question. Curiosity and vulnerability are more than a little disarming, and can open up a conversation. They are also a great antidote to gossip. If you don’t trust them, is there anyone else you can talk to who will give you an honest answer?
In some circumstances, gossip can turn into bullying or harassment. If this is where you feel things are at, check your workplace policies or WorkSafe BC to see if this is something that needs to be addressed more formally. And good luck! I hope you can address it and get a better idea of what you are leaving in your wake at work. It sounds like there is something there that you sense might need a closer look.
Sandy’s take:
The fact that you're asking this question is already a good sign. Difficult coworkers rarely wonder if they're the difficult co-worker.
But wondering isn't the same as knowing. What's making you think this? Did someone say something directly? Did you notice a reaction that didn't land the way you expected? Are people going quiet when you walk into a room? Or, is this a general feeling with no specific evidence attached? Where you land on these questions matters because "I have a vague sense I might be hard to work with" and "three separate people have told me I'm hard to work with" are pointing at different things.
Most “difficult” behaviour isn't random. It usually shows up when someone is stressed, or feeling unheard, or operating from unchecked assumptions. Is there a pattern you’ve noticed in yourself? If so, you can start to interrupt it.
And if you really want to know, ask someone you trust. But don’t ask, “Am I the difficult one?" Get specific and ask something like, "Is there anything I do that makes it harder to work with me? I'm genuinely trying to figure this out." The conversation might be uncomfortable, and it will almost certainly be useful.
